saya lost~

negative- things that i really cannot work with is commitment and envyness~ bare with me... hmmmmmmmm...
positive- things that i really cannot work with is waiting and do the same thing for a long time.. but i dont prefer fast pace learning, cause im slow...

assalamualaikum.. so did you all get what i mean on the above phrase which i will refer as an attention getter today~

ada maksud tersirat dalam ayat tersebut... sape na try translate... buatlah.. tp senyap2 je.. aku malas na tahu...

yeay!!! irisyah dah balek malaysia.... yeahuuuuu... tp irisyah ckp na jumpe na teman study... -_-" since when aku kene study nie.. sobs.. maybe this will be the kickstart for me to start studying... hmmm... go murni... lambatnya nak start???? theres no 'too late' in my dictionary.. anytime is a perfect time to change.. a 'change' word is a great word for a great people with great action which may result in great impact... what a great sentence.. kikiki...

sudah hampir setahun.. next 2 month im gonna be in second year of medical student... honestly, im re-sitting for 1 paper sem1.. and having 2 fail test paper.. and to be truth to all.. aku tak pernah dapat fail~ and firts time fail.. rasa mcm nak gile.. so skang.. rasa mcm2 bergolak dalam hati, perut and whatever system in my body are affected to... you know, sometimes i feel like, maybe i should not be here, sometimes i feel that i am the paling teruk punya budak kat sini.. but the main reason thing i keep falling, are my attitude and aku mmg mls nak study.. its not funny okay... i still can smile, i still can have fun, i still can go outing.. but in my mind is my achievement or precisely is my result.. how can i be in this field if i not deserve to... so its clear here that i am losing focus.. and dah lama sedar.. tp mls na buat perubahan... sebab rasa mcm to early.. but time flies.. and here.. almost a year...

what makes me so sure.. first is situation with irisyah td.. and second is..
the below is conversation that ive heard...

F: untungla kalao ade laki yang pk pasal kawen
M: apesal pulak na pk pasal kawen.. aku pk nak ada kete nak ada umah..
F: hahah.. sape dapat kao idup senang ah t.. :) bagus2..
M: yeke? mcm susa je.. aku sallu kene tinggalkan rumah sbb commitment kerja.. aku kene pilih yg betul2 boleh jaga diri n boleh jaga keluarga aku baek2..
F: its good to have future vision like that..
M: hahah.. yg kao nie sentap sngt apesal
F: :P aku tenga nak arrange bile na bt meeting ngan group nnt... kao yg serious sngt jwb..

end conversation..
it makes me realise.. when it comes to responsibilty we have to commit and strategise well.. from the early.. then, you will get what you want.. if not totally the same like you plan, it would be the best for you pun kan.. sbb ape je yg jd kat dunia nie.. sume nye mmg patut jadi.. a good guy match a good girl.. ade je org ckp.. ade je yg tak dpt sama2 matching.. korang nmpk dr luar.. ntah2 dulu2.. dia ade ckp besar ke ape ke.. tu yg hmm.. taknak ckp..

i am not ready to commit but i cant stand my envyness... but i know the fact that even if we were in a tied relationship it cant stop each of us to betray if in the inside we didnt honest to ourselves.. in the meantime its not good to wait for a better way good thing.. and im afraid that i will bored easily or make you bored of me easily.. what i tell here.. maybe its me and maybe its you.. because i were you, you were me.. we are one..

i need volunteer.. to help me study.. hik2.. mengada je aku ni.. 

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